I realized something today… just when I was finished a reading session with ‘The things they carried by Tim O’brien’. I really care about quite a variaty of things… acting is the door that led me into this brainwave. As you probably well know by now, I’m trying to be a writer. It’s important to me. Literature is important to me… I know that even if I never make it as a writer… I’ll still write… I’ll have to. The lose and regainment of Vinsin made me realize this.
But, I’m also an actor. I’ve been seriously in love with acting since at most the age of 7. I conciously recognized this love when my older brother was in his 6th grade play. I wanted to own the stage… I was going to learn how to dance, sing, and act. (However, I didn’t know you could do all three at a the same sime) I’m an actor… no doubts about it. It’s deep within myself… and I doubt it’s really something that I’ll ever get rid of.
This morning, I went babysitting… the kids I babysit are nice and it was real fun. I even took pictures because I felt like it. They ate it up… I sent their mother an email of the pictures… she deserves a copy of every picture that exists of them… she’s super swell too.
I come back and my brother yells that I got 3 phonecalls while I was gone. 2 of them turned out to be related to my friend. One was to call and warn me that this acting thing was going to call because she gave them my number… the other was the acting place calling. The third was my best friend.
After talking to her, I was alright with it… than I realized she said the audition was tomorrow. I got oddly excited and I was planning on calling them until she mentioned that they need my parents permission to audition… (I’m aware that some of these are scams… which is why I researched them on the net before doing anything.)
So I mention it to my pops and he falls asleep… must have had a hard day at work. I let it slide… he’s been doing overtime… and besides he’ll have to wake up before tomorrow. I get bored… I want to run around… when it starts raining what I call a hurricane (but in reality… probably isn’t considering that we live in a land-locked desert) So we shut all power off, just in case if the lightning decides to hit our house. So I’m stuck… no phone… asleep Dad. So I read.
I read with the curtains open to let in any light and spot a branch that literally flies off of a tree… So We can’t even go outside…. I love running around in the rain. But when everyone thinks it’s okay to turn the power back on… I decide to take a break… (War books either piss me off or get me emotional.. either way it’s not good to at least pause to let it soak it.)
Then I think excitedly, “I bet I can learn an accent before the audition tomorrow!” (I have a horrendously fast learning curve… it’s weird stuff… especially if I’m actually into the stuff I’m doing.) Than I start to thinking about how I was fine with giving up Play Productions… and Improv… for the most part and realize that the only way I was able to deal with said loss, was lying to myself and saying that I couldn’t act.
(Which sounds cocky… the lying part… except that I really can act… it’s something that I discovered a few days ago when I was bored and started to silently recite an old monologue I still had memorized (you never know when you’ll need one!) while filming it on my camera… needless to say… you could tell what part I was at by my expressions… I never thought that I had this ability! It really surprised me… and I know that my voice is very accurate to whatever emotions I’m supposed to be feeling… I think it’s partly the empathetic part of me… because I can empathize with the characters’ emotions…. same thing happens when I’m writing… which is probably why people say my characters are very, very much alive)
But anyways… this made me realize that I’d be a pretty good actor… and another dream lives again! I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to this audition or even if I’ll get in…. but I’m not nervous about it at all…. if I’m meant to make it… I will… Besides… I’m much more confident than I was in 8th ; ).
I realize that my dreams are what I really care the most about. I really care about being able to do anything I put my mind to. Which anyone can, If they really set themselves out to do it… maybe it won’t work out the first 100 times you try… but eventually you’ll get it. Which is probably why I always fight against any form of opression that is an injustice. Just Naturally Opression, Injustice and Me don’t get along… I’ll fight against any Injustice that happens to me, or someone close to me… I can’t pick my fights if injustice is involved… maybe it’s a flaw… maybe it’s a good thing…
But yeah, I care a ridiculous amount about paths that I’ll never take. I guess it’s important.. because maybe someday… my fight will help someone that wanted to take that path… but couldn’t.
Nice talking to you sweet kids