Tag Archives: patience

Unseen, Unheard, Unnoticed.

18 Aug

So as you guys well know, my posts are full of opinions… (Even if no one bothers hearing them…).

(According to Webster) Humility is the quality or state of being humble. Humble-1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive. 2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission.3 a : ranking low in a hierarchy or scale : insignificant, unpretentious. What sums humble up is unselfish, self-denying and reflective.

Humility is probably the hardest lesson you may ever learn in life. Now, I’m not claiming I’ve mastered the art of humility. But, I am saying that there can be too much. I’ve missed many opportunities or denied myself many things all in the name of humility. In doing so, I’ve become shy.

It’s hard for me to speak up in front of people, possibly because I could offend someone with a joke, opinion or even possibly a prejudice. (I’m not saying that harboring hateful feelings about a group of people is okay… it’s just that we all have them.) Mostly I think, because I’ve hidden myself almost my entire life. Because of this, people who seem to care about me… have not been allowed to know the real me. They love a mask.

I’ve been trying to rid myself of this mask for the past two years. However, it is hard to break through peoples’ expectations of your own behavior. My own best friend (whom I’ve known since I was 9 months old… )cannot correctly indentify anything about me of significance. People do not hear, they do not see this silent, inner struggle… even if I do become able to find my voice… I may have well been speaking to air. People believe their expectations and throw out the rest… it is a sad thing… but true. I’ve been one to do this.

The point is, however much you struggle to be independant or outgoing.. the people you know… will reject any progress you’ve made. They remember you while you were down… they remember you not being able to look over a counter. They remember the you, that is long gone. Who used to be, a person who is as gone from this world (if not more) as a dear friend who has passed away.

If Individuality is a real thing (and it’s hard to think otherwise) this was a person who’ll never walk the earth again. Unfortunately, your friends seem to mistake you for this long lost friend. Although, a part of that memory is embedded in you, it is simply what Robin is to Batman…. company and sometimes the sidekick. You will have things that will still exist from the person who you were… but that part of you will never be so present, so vibrant as it once was.

When people undergo large changes… within and without. People seem to think that something is wrong with you. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve flickered on someone’s radar just the needed bit to have them say, “What’s the matter? What’s wrong? Are you feeling Okay? What happened? Why are you upset?”

But anyways, realize this is a mistake… and forgive the people you know for mistaking you for this fine person. Be happy that you have changed and be patient for their metamorphosis to come. That is all that is coming today.

Practice just enough humility and patience, to enjoy yourself…
Yours Truly,

Trust in the Universe and Reap the Benefits.

16 Aug

So a lot has happened since we last talked. Yeah, been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit down and type up a blog….

So Friday, my Dad got into a fight with his boss about policy and his boss told him he was fired. He told me by Monday. (I thought he just got off early and took Monday off). Which sucks. I admit I was really scared and was already coming up with all the ways we could help my Dad out… especially in staying where we live now. By Thursday his work called him up and told him to come to a meeting and said that he’d better come or he was really fired. (Ordinarily Dad wouldn’t even be freaked out because he has 28 years seniority… heck the CEO was hired the same time… he could literally have any job in the place)

So he came and he got his job back… unfortunately he’s not getting paid vacation for those 4 and 1/2 days that he wasn’t there…. So there goes school fees and such… if you don’t realize the extent of missing a week… it means that My Dad gets at least $700 less dollars… So it’s going to be tight…. but much better than it could’ve been I’m happy.

This experience has really taught me something… (more than to make sure that I have more than 6 months pay saved up just in case I ever get fired in the middle of a crappy economy) It’s taught me that I need to trust in the universe. I’ve been talking about all the possibilities I have and how I haven’t gone for any of them (besides writing). Fact of the matter is, I just need to get out there in the world…. and than I’ll find out what I’ll do when I get there.

With every oppression comes the ability of freedom, with every freedom comes choices, with choices come the world.

I’m not claiming that I’m an expert on oppression or anything. I just have to let  you folks know something about my past. That may help you realize how I could understand this stuff. 

I had a mom that was deadset on a stepford family… and decided to use less than kosher means to achieve it. Fact is: I was beaten as a child.

I learned lessons about life that many people will never learn. I learned diplomacy and patience through these crazy happenings. But I also learned, that with every that opresses comes with something to undo it.

I had an awesome Dad… I didn’t know him until after my mother left… mostly because she insisted on doing the finances and was stealing money from my father… enough that she convinced my Dad that he needed to work 2 full-time jobs… He only had 6 hours a day and those were for sleep…. I admit that I put more weight on my Dad than I have ever put on a person.

He was the key, he could get us away from my mother… he was going to save us. (Realize that at the time I knew nothing about him… except that when I was having growing pains he’d let me sleep in their room.) He had to.

So we took a chance… when they were trying to settle the divorce after my mother had claimed that my father had beaten her…. Ironic isn’t that? We testified… well my older brother testified because he was the only one who was legally old enough to testify…  but we testified against her and hoped that the system would allow us to be set free.

My mother was oddly sweet during that time… sucking up to us. My Dad (although he was kicked out and wasn’t allowed to see us… I later found out, that he was sending my mother money to pay for all of the bills… to make sure that we got taken care of) was also nice… but a legitimate niceness… the kind where it’s literally just because the person is only nice because they’re that good of a person. We were put into fantastic hands.

But the point is, we were oppressed. (I do realize that some kids must have had worse childhoods than we did… and I sincerely pity the heck out of those kids because… although I got it through the last time and was even optimistic after… I don’t think I could do it ever again and come out whole… much less if it were worse.) and we were given a key that would free us… if we just used it. (There’s something weird about being abused… you’re embarrassed about it… and cops never believe children… that’s one thing that I know for sure now.) We were allowed to choose my Father, who luckily was awesome… I don’t know what we would’ve done if he sucked too. Probably go to an Aunt or to our Grandma.

Anyways you can trust in the universe to give you something to achieve anything that maybe related to your happiness. So go out and do something! I promise you, there is a way to anything that you are meant to do. You can always decide on the meaning of your life.

Wow, that blog went into an entirely different direction than I was hoping.

So I was busy with worrying and changing my philosophies and such to post a blog.

Not to mention Warped Tour which although we had to leave before bouncing souls (who had came to our town afterall) it was awesome. I met Big D and the Kids’ table… all of them really down to earth and we got to talk to them and they gave us their autographs. Their show was by far, the best of the day. I went into the ginormous skanking pit. So much fun. They played most of my favorite songs, “LAX, Shining On, Hell on Earth, Noise Complain…etc”. I did not get hurt one little bit… or even fall in the mosh pits (which I admit I was a bit afraid of) unfortunately I was too shy to ask the singer something that I’ve been wondering for a while… if he had ever been in drama because he sure acts like it. But anyways… it was awesome… I did get another sunburn… I really ought to just avoid the sun before I get skin cancer. BTW: Bathing your sunburn in Vingar… makes it go away stat.

I babysat the night before until like 1 a.m…. hadn’t slept the night before that.. and woke up at 7:30… (Because if we didn’t come on time we wouldn’t get in for free) and bought a Big D Patch, Micky Ds (Because we had vendor passes and could leave anytime we wanted and come back) and a shirt (Skate 4 Cancer… it was a cool shirt and I thought it was a good cause) for $10. Not half bad, eh? But yeah, by the end… although I was loving it… I was tired, thirsty, sunburned, and my arms really hurt. Can I just say I didn’t believe anything about musicians drinking a butt load? I do now… we got this one sack of glass bottles (luckily it was a heavy duty bag) and I had to carry it across the fairgrounds and I think moving a body would’ve been easier.. it was only from one band too. I definitely got some new muscles because of it.

I’ve also babysat a buttload in the past little while… (Especially considering that I have like $50 and on average only get 10 bucks)

But yeah, it’s been super swell. Don’t forget that the universe will take care of you, if you take the chances it gives you.

Yours Truly,