Tag Archives: karma

Good always Triumphs Over Evil

7 Jan

So I got to talk about some crap, because it might make me feel a little less angry….

 

I was one of those children that came from an abusive home. The abuser happened to be my mother. Sadly enough, any major issue with a life event can be traced directly to her.

My weird inability to accept imperfections came from her telling me to scrub for hours.  My hatred and distrustfulness of new people  stems from her screwing me over and then, proving it again by my dad being desperate enough to marry another crazy woman (who luckily is mostly out of the picture now…)

My poverty, the reason in me being a semester late in college was caused by her, stealing my childhood home from my father the breadwinner and the only one with a job. My belief that hospitals are basically obsolete stem from staying too long in them… from her hypochondriac ways.

She’s screwed over my entire family and ripped me from many of the people I care about.

She’s literally, clinically insane. She has quite a few problems with her, and from the moment that my father tried to get her help, she’s been plotting how she would ruin his life.

She has.

Amazingly enough, my Dad has the ability to brush it off and pretend like he’s got a shot at retiring.

Her contribution to my collection of emotional scars has been unprecedented. Ranging from my brother being whipped, for stopping her from nearly killing me, to causing us to basically starve for a couple weeks.

There isn’t a person that deserves to be killed more than her, in my eyes.

My fear of being published (Which is a terrible fear for one who means to be a writer) comes from her trying to track me down and hitch a ride on a rode to fame… taking credit for raising me.

I’ve sworn to myself that if it ever happened, I’d smear her name so horribly that her remaining loved ones couldn’t look her in the eye, let alone strangers.

She’s found me on almost every site I’ve joined. I’ve had to block out things, lie about things to try and hide from her. If anything happens to make my family’s presence known… like a wedding, or a visit from someone on her side of the family… she comes. She has her new husband spy on the house and take pictures and messages or calls us nonstop. Calling my Dad names so awful that only she’s so evil to say such things about such a good man.

My grandma had to get a restraining order because she tried to knock her car off the road.

I don’t want to see this woman in my life, or connected in anyway. I avoid seeing her, not because I’m afraid, but because I don’t want to do jail time.

She deserves jail time at the very least for what she’s done to us. Unfortunately because children don’t have a voice in the U.S. she’ll never do any time.

There’s a reason why I’ll never let my voice go unheard.

She sent my little sister a message, through someone else’s profile and I plan on making sure she learns not to come into contact with us, ever again.

She cannot harm us any longer.

-Aspiringtobesomeone

Life Could Be Yours.

15 Jul

Okay, so I’ve been busy… but I just feel like telling you guys about the beautiful things in life…. like the truly beautiful things in life.

I’ve recently started babysitting (mostly because I can’t find a job and I need some sort of money) and I realized something amazing about kids… they really think that you can do anything… they have this belief that once they’re your age… that they can do anything! The fact of the matter is: You can. You really can.

Somewhere in the middle of growing up, you lose that idealist attitude… suddenly the world becomes concrete with certain rules and expectations that no one can break. Think about everything that you’ve ever wanted, maybe you wanted a pony when you were little… maybe you wanted to fly… whatever. The reality is, possibilities are only limited to your imagination! Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You could have that pony right now if you wanted it… you could find a nice alternative to flying… say, skydiving or maybe you could be an astronaut to actually feel what it’s like to literally fly with nothing stopping you… not gravity, nothing.

I’ve been talking to my older sister lately, and what’s sad, what is truly sad is right now… this part of her, the part that was literally her personality while growing up is dead. She doesn’t believe in any possibilities anymore… She’s told me that she’s up against a brick wall…

I’ll tell you basically the situation. She’s had 3 cars… First One: transmission broke, Second One: some jerk smashed into it on the highway maybe a week after she got it, and the Third One: it’s been running for a few weeks… been working perfectly…. than it starts shaking and now it’s transmission has gone out. She has a loan on this sucker and has to keep up on her car payments and her liability insurance and save up to either get it fixed or get a new car.  Which I admit: Sucks. I feel for her, I really do. She’s working part-time, 2 10 hour shifts a week… so she’ll be able to get another job to save up for college and all those things. She can’t find anything… no one I know can find anything… I’ve been looking for a job myself. So have a couple good buddies of mine….

Basically even at the crappy minimum wage (jobs previously renowned for hiring needy teenagers who are saving for cars) places where they’ve always had a revolving door haven’t been hiring… or at least hiring teenagers… Which I can understand… the economies bad… blah blah blah…. major unemployment.. many people with kids you need the job worse than some teenager living in their parents’ house.

I get it. Fact of the matter is: My dad needs us to get jobs so we can be paying for our expenses and helping out with the bills… I know kids who are in worst cases too… kids who the moment they were fourteen are expected to pay for room and board.. the school fees and other such stuff… basically if they need anything they pay for it. Mostly because deep down their parents didn’t want kids and are stuck with them and want to either make a profit off of them or get rid of them A.S.A.P…. I realize that me having a job right now makes it so that some poor recently unemployed family may have to pawn off stuff to eat or such.

It sucks. I wish it wasn’t so…. I wish we were back in the thriving nineties where you could expect candy bars to 5/$1, or even as low as 6/$1… now we’re up to 79 cents on average for a candy bar. Honestly that’s the way to measure inflation overall just look at the prices of candy bars rise.

But anyways…. back to that problem with sis, she believes that she can’t do anything to make her funds more happy and that if she gets a new car it’s cursed… but the one she has must be cursed so after fixing it up she’s planning on selling it. She doesn’t trust in the world to take care of her…. this is a common problem with adults…. that I’ve seen anyways.

A few years back… maybe 2 or 3 I had a very philosophical conversation with someone… I think it was my older brother… now I don’t remember this conversation nearly at all… but at the end of the conversation I started to get thinking… and realized, “There’s no reason to worry, until that something happens.” Which I’ve found is very true. Should you worry about going into a coma? Should you stress about the possibility that you could go into a coma because of a car accident and take ridiculous precautions to prevent that from happening? (Such as, wrapping yourself in bubble wrap from head to toe, if you leave the house.) There’s no need to be paranoid, there’s no need to worry and what’s going to happen, will. The fact is, that I believe that certain events in our lives are not coincidences. If you are meant to die in a revolution to become a saint to someone who comes after you, then you will. Everything you do is to just sculpt you into who you will be. You have to go through trials and all that crap to become the best you possible.

I’m not crazy religious, I haven’t learned this at a church or anything and at the moment I don’t know if I believe in any higher beings… or creators or guardians (Past those that love you ie: father, mother, best friends, sibling, the love of your life.) I’m not trying to preach or to dis on anybody’s God/Goddess(s). The fact of the matter is, it’s hard to believe that the crap I’ve been through has no purpose and this explanation makes it easier to live through… the belief that something good and pure will come out of all of this weird crap. I don’t believe that this is some punishment for the “original sin” (I don’t believe in the original sin btw) I simply believe that somewhere out there the crap that I’ve gone through will help someone. I have to.

God, I get off-topic so much. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It isn’t meant to be worried over. It isn’t meant to be a journey to get the most money. Life isn’t even meant to be anything really. Life is literally what you make of it. Life is simply, yours.

A Very Good Morning

A Very Good Morning

Just so you know about this picture. I woke up at around 4 am, to go climb a mountain and get a picture of this sun rise. I admit it was crazy, and pointless and I literally did it because I could. I was so tired… and it probably wouldn’t be worth it to other people… but we double trespassed, gave blood, sweat and tears to take a few amazing shots… and I loved every second of it… It was thrilling. You can find beauty in anything.

Good luck in all that you do.
-Aspiringtobesomeone

Inevitable Success

1 Jul

Sometimes at the end of the day, the only success you’ve had is that there weren’t any successes.

Most of the time, this in itself is a success itself. When you look out there in the world… there are definitely a lot of possibilities. A daily success can be measured in many ways.

You could consider a day, a success if you literally stop to smell the roses. I do this twice, everyday. Once on my way out of my house and again on the way back. Going among the same lines a day could be considered a success simply because you saw the sunrise and set. There are few places where you can’t do these same things. If you can’t, you can always find some alternatives… instead of roses, it could be the hot smell of asphalt and tar in the summer, the nice smell of mud after the rain, the smell of getting out of the shower.

Maybe it’s not a smell at all, but a nice reassurance that everything is intact, perhaps that the ratty old teddy bear that your grandparents rushed to the store to buy at the occasion of your birth, before meeting you for the first time at the hospital. Maybe it’s saying goodbye to the moon every night before you go to bed, and being memorized by the stars or by the clouds that will hang overcast in their place.

Maybe you don’t consider these everyday things successes.

Maybe it’s not considered a successful or eventful day if you don’t see that boy you like at school, or you happened to forget an important homework assignment. Maybe you don’t consider it a good day, if someone neglects to tell you that they love you, or to otherwise pamper your ego.

What if at the end of everyday you could feel peace instead of fretting about how on earth you’ll be able to write a book report assignment before school, or have enough gas to drive to work when you’re on your last dollar for the next week. Maybe you’re afraid that your deity of choice is going to strike you down from the heavens because you said something particularly blasphemous or did something particularly sinful.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: No matter how you might have failed by the end of the day, however many mistakes you made today….today will still end… tomorrow you will have another shot at perfection and bliss.

So you go to bed quiet, blissful, and happy because you know that tomorrow will come and nothing can stop it.