Tag Archives: belief

Time to Write Your Own Reality Check, Dear Storyteller.

13 Feb

Following someone else “Writing-Routine” isn’t going to magically fill the gaps in the story or book you’re writing.

Your experiences is what color your novel, and there’s a guarantee that no one in the world will understand your story better than you.

The answers to your problems, why it might seem unbearable to write because your writer’s block is so horrible, is in yourself.

You know what you’re going through.

If you’re anything like me, you’re great at giving other people advice. Your passion seems to be catching, and you have the habit of accidentally inspiring friends to take action while you’re talking of your own dreams. You seem to be able to inspire them, that it seems they are ruthlessly pursuing their passions. You seem to be able to talk down their dreams, to earth, to the possible plane.

You start to wonder, if you’re able to inspire people so well, to solve their own problems of self-esteem, or their “can’t-do-attitudes” why the hell are you so listless? Why are you so little motivated to move the mountains required to conquer your own dreams?

It’s you.

It’s your problem. Maybe it’s a fear of success, maybe it’s the fear or rejection, maybe it’s not fear at all, but your own complacency of failure. Instead of psychoanalyzing the people around you, seeing into their souls to see their problems… maybe it’s time for a little self-reflection.

After all, you’re the only person in the world who you can be sure is actually being honest with you, which makes great character fodder.

Look to yourself, Find out your fears, your creative blocks, and what you believe you can actually achieve and move from there.

As a writer, as a creator of worlds, you literally can shape mountains if you so please, so why in the hell are you not writing? Why in the hell can’t you finish that book? Why in the hell are you worrying so much about what happens after the book is completed rather than writing the book.

You’re a dreamer, all good storytellers are… I’m not saying deny your nature. Harvest it. If you can dream of the rewards of being an wonderfully illustrious writer… you can certainly dream up a book, with conflict, character motivation, and either a resolution or new beginning for an end.

You became, or decided you were a writer for a reason.

Maybe it was because you always enjoyed reading or being told stories as a little kid… maybe you found the nature of self-reflection calming. Maybe you wrote because you had to. It was a way to escape your little reality, and now you want to share it with the world.

Whatever your original reason was, you’ve certainly forgotten it. If you’re still looking at “successful” writers to solve your problems.

Figure it out, the you that you were, is most certainly apart of the you that you are now. The you that is having problems finding the passion, most certainly can take a page out of the book of the former you that wrote for hours, tirelessly.

Introduce the Passionate You, and the slightly-bitter-having-problems-finding-that-fire You, and let them affect each other. Let the one with their boots planted firm into the ground, reach and connect with the one in the clouds, and together allow them to make your story, the reason why you started writing, the story that you have been born to tell, rain down upon the world.

It’s that simple.

You’ve lost passion, right? Find it. You’re lost in your own story? Give yourself directions. You’re having problems with ending your story? End it, all good things come to an end, and I guarantee, that your story that’s changed you over the course of writing is good enough. Some things aren’t meant to be resolved and that’s the nature of the beast. Put a bandaid over it, and carry on.

Good always Triumphs Over Evil

7 Jan

So I got to talk about some crap, because it might make me feel a little less angry….

 

I was one of those children that came from an abusive home. The abuser happened to be my mother. Sadly enough, any major issue with a life event can be traced directly to her.

My weird inability to accept imperfections came from her telling me to scrub for hours.  My hatred and distrustfulness of new people  stems from her screwing me over and then, proving it again by my dad being desperate enough to marry another crazy woman (who luckily is mostly out of the picture now…)

My poverty, the reason in me being a semester late in college was caused by her, stealing my childhood home from my father the breadwinner and the only one with a job. My belief that hospitals are basically obsolete stem from staying too long in them… from her hypochondriac ways.

She’s screwed over my entire family and ripped me from many of the people I care about.

She’s literally, clinically insane. She has quite a few problems with her, and from the moment that my father tried to get her help, she’s been plotting how she would ruin his life.

She has.

Amazingly enough, my Dad has the ability to brush it off and pretend like he’s got a shot at retiring.

Her contribution to my collection of emotional scars has been unprecedented. Ranging from my brother being whipped, for stopping her from nearly killing me, to causing us to basically starve for a couple weeks.

There isn’t a person that deserves to be killed more than her, in my eyes.

My fear of being published (Which is a terrible fear for one who means to be a writer) comes from her trying to track me down and hitch a ride on a rode to fame… taking credit for raising me.

I’ve sworn to myself that if it ever happened, I’d smear her name so horribly that her remaining loved ones couldn’t look her in the eye, let alone strangers.

She’s found me on almost every site I’ve joined. I’ve had to block out things, lie about things to try and hide from her. If anything happens to make my family’s presence known… like a wedding, or a visit from someone on her side of the family… she comes. She has her new husband spy on the house and take pictures and messages or calls us nonstop. Calling my Dad names so awful that only she’s so evil to say such things about such a good man.

My grandma had to get a restraining order because she tried to knock her car off the road.

I don’t want to see this woman in my life, or connected in anyway. I avoid seeing her, not because I’m afraid, but because I don’t want to do jail time.

She deserves jail time at the very least for what she’s done to us. Unfortunately because children don’t have a voice in the U.S. she’ll never do any time.

There’s a reason why I’ll never let my voice go unheard.

She sent my little sister a message, through someone else’s profile and I plan on making sure she learns not to come into contact with us, ever again.

She cannot harm us any longer.

-Aspiringtobesomeone

General Reminisces and Warped Tour

7 Aug

It’s been a crazy couple days… I found out yesterday that Warped Tour is coming to my town on Saturday. I’m excited… I admit it. I went to Warped Tour ’05 and loved it… Honestly, it was my first concert. I actually wanted to go to the ‘o3… but my older brother wouldn’t let me go. I really wanted to go because Rancid and Distillers were going…

Brody Dalle was my hero…. back than she was still married to Tim Armstrong (Rancid, Transplants, Operation Ivy, and Dance Hall Crashers). Honestly, I lost most of my respect for her when she dumped Tim…. went for that guy in Queens of the Stoneage and than the rest of it when she went blonde, preppy and started the Spinerettes. I really wanted to go to ‘o3 but didn’t. Unfortunately, because of the whole break-up… Distillers didn’t go anyways. But with the above information ^ you can see why I wanted to go in ’03… it’s probably good that I didn’t considering I was 11.

When I went in ’05, I don’t remember much about it. I know Dropkick Murphey’s had the biggest crowd… that set was amazing… however all the hardcore punkers were in there… and I was small… I was too scared to go in the pits at the point. I saw a lot of random bands… I know Angel and Airwaves were just starting out…. so was Left Alone and I met most of the members of both… (Left Alone’s Drummer is freaking cool btw.) Left Alone is a good effing band… very Operation Ivy-esque. There were a bunch of bands that I didn’t know even went that year… that I totally love now like Gogol Bordello and Big D and the Kids Table…. I remember everybody saying that, All-American Rejects got jumped at the airport and that’s why they didn’t show. It was funny stuff… Everyone got a kick out of that one…. Just like Utah Punks… I forgot My Chemical Romance came… I guess I didn’t really listen to them back in the day…. it’s too bad… it would have been cool to see them…

I had fun… even though that I got a major sunburn that day that made me look like a lobster… I didn’t know it until we got in the car… those comment that people made about dehydration and that I could have their water bottle… and maybe I should lie down… made a lot more sense after I saw myself…lol It was 109 degrees… I stayed inside the whole summer… because I wanted to see how pale I could get… I wore a long-sleeved black shirt that I literally got a sunburn through and I didn’t wear sunscreen… I was asking for it…. I realize at least this much… So I don’t feel that bad about….lol

So Just wear light, skimpy clothing… to Warped Tour… don’t go if you don’t see much sun… and finally, remember to stay hydrated AND wear sunburn. Maybe sneak in food if possible… because it’s really really expensive stuff. These are the tips for a successful warped tour. If you’re going… have fun…

I’m actually going because I volunteered for the Eco Iniative who basically picks up trash and recycles it to reduce waste that is generated by warped tour. I get in for free, get a venders pass,.. which means I can go anywhere (probably go backstage to all the cool bands) They give me a shirt, they give us at least one drink of our choice… and feed us. Not a bad deal.

Wow ^ I guess I’m still a music whore…lol. But y’know this year’s line-up mostly sucks… especially since Bouncing Souls and Anti-Flag isn’t coming to my town this year. I just really want to see “Ole.” live. I’m going to… I don’t when but I will. It’s going to be sweet ; ).

Besides that there’s not really much going on in my life… besides school starting on the 24th… (Which I’m excited for and not excited for at the same time..) Hoping that I get my streaks in before picture day (17th) and General chilling…

However, I really can’t sleep lately and I don’t know why…. I think it’s related to Warped and School…. hopefully I’ll sleep better after warped tour…. (I’ll be exhausted) we have to get there before opening… then, we have to be there until at least closing… so not excited about that. I don’t want to melt! If we’re lucky…. it’ll rain… However, I bet that will make them close early and we won’t get to see the shows we want to.

We’re going clothes shopping today…. so not excited.

I don’t know….

‘Till we meet again
Yours Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

Fitting into a mold isn’t for me.

23 Jul

So Today I’m going to get my haircut… I’m nervous… mostly because it’s at the community college (Woo! Support people who know what they want to do!). But also, I’m not exactly sure what I want… I have pictures that are similar to what I want but anyways… I found them on the internet and the printer’s broThis is what I wantken.

Tomorrow we’re going to dye our hair… and honestly I don’t care what my Dad says about Green Streaks… I’m doing them. I know that’s a jerk statement… but he’ll be okay after we’re done with it. I’m doing it nice and short (mostly so it’s easy to manage). I look good with short hair, my hair for some reason is less frizzy when I have short hair… it’s weird.

I’m excited about it… I just hope my older sister will them what I want… last time, I wanted about the same thing and what I got was a very short plain a-line. Which wasn’t too bad… but honestly I hate a-lines…

I’m just so very excited. Although I act mature, and most of my friends see me as a tomboy… I love hair, I love having a french manicure (Done by myself of course! It’s not worth it to pay someone to do it everytime..).

I love dressing up, and I love what you can do with make-up. I Honestly, hold a lot back mostly to protect me from the preppy girls. I used to be one of them… (a couple years ago… but after my parents’ divorce and we moved I decided I was sick of the work to be in them)

I’m glad that I’ve stopped that course in it’s tracks… but as much as my friends don’t realize… I enjoy being dolled up. I like being dressed different to the point that I’m mostly unrecognisable. I enjoy the fact that most people freak out if you disobey the laws of your social class…

I love showing up to school in a baggy T-shirt, Large Jacket, and PJ bottoms one day and the next showing up completely girly… make-up, jewelry and the whole bit… and the after… I might dress up as a punk. I think it’s funny.

I’ve been all of these people before and I understand how to pull it all off… it looks legit.. because it is legit… Those parts of me have never left and the sooner people realize that… the sooner I’ll be able to be understood.

I guess I just don’t like fitting into any one mold… I think it’s funny to fit a mold perfectly one day and the next just different. I chose this haircut because of all the different easy ways I’ll be able to style it so it fits who I want to be that day.

I don’t know.. I’m just your average girl…. although I don’t mind mud.

Yours Truly
-Aspiringtobesomeone

Life Could Be Yours.

15 Jul

Okay, so I’ve been busy… but I just feel like telling you guys about the beautiful things in life…. like the truly beautiful things in life.

I’ve recently started babysitting (mostly because I can’t find a job and I need some sort of money) and I realized something amazing about kids… they really think that you can do anything… they have this belief that once they’re your age… that they can do anything! The fact of the matter is: You can. You really can.

Somewhere in the middle of growing up, you lose that idealist attitude… suddenly the world becomes concrete with certain rules and expectations that no one can break. Think about everything that you’ve ever wanted, maybe you wanted a pony when you were little… maybe you wanted to fly… whatever. The reality is, possibilities are only limited to your imagination! Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You could have that pony right now if you wanted it… you could find a nice alternative to flying… say, skydiving or maybe you could be an astronaut to actually feel what it’s like to literally fly with nothing stopping you… not gravity, nothing.

I’ve been talking to my older sister lately, and what’s sad, what is truly sad is right now… this part of her, the part that was literally her personality while growing up is dead. She doesn’t believe in any possibilities anymore… She’s told me that she’s up against a brick wall…

I’ll tell you basically the situation. She’s had 3 cars… First One: transmission broke, Second One: some jerk smashed into it on the highway maybe a week after she got it, and the Third One: it’s been running for a few weeks… been working perfectly…. than it starts shaking and now it’s transmission has gone out. She has a loan on this sucker and has to keep up on her car payments and her liability insurance and save up to either get it fixed or get a new car.  Which I admit: Sucks. I feel for her, I really do. She’s working part-time, 2 10 hour shifts a week… so she’ll be able to get another job to save up for college and all those things. She can’t find anything… no one I know can find anything… I’ve been looking for a job myself. So have a couple good buddies of mine….

Basically even at the crappy minimum wage (jobs previously renowned for hiring needy teenagers who are saving for cars) places where they’ve always had a revolving door haven’t been hiring… or at least hiring teenagers… Which I can understand… the economies bad… blah blah blah…. major unemployment.. many people with kids you need the job worse than some teenager living in their parents’ house.

I get it. Fact of the matter is: My dad needs us to get jobs so we can be paying for our expenses and helping out with the bills… I know kids who are in worst cases too… kids who the moment they were fourteen are expected to pay for room and board.. the school fees and other such stuff… basically if they need anything they pay for it. Mostly because deep down their parents didn’t want kids and are stuck with them and want to either make a profit off of them or get rid of them A.S.A.P…. I realize that me having a job right now makes it so that some poor recently unemployed family may have to pawn off stuff to eat or such.

It sucks. I wish it wasn’t so…. I wish we were back in the thriving nineties where you could expect candy bars to 5/$1, or even as low as 6/$1… now we’re up to 79 cents on average for a candy bar. Honestly that’s the way to measure inflation overall just look at the prices of candy bars rise.

But anyways…. back to that problem with sis, she believes that she can’t do anything to make her funds more happy and that if she gets a new car it’s cursed… but the one she has must be cursed so after fixing it up she’s planning on selling it. She doesn’t trust in the world to take care of her…. this is a common problem with adults…. that I’ve seen anyways.

A few years back… maybe 2 or 3 I had a very philosophical conversation with someone… I think it was my older brother… now I don’t remember this conversation nearly at all… but at the end of the conversation I started to get thinking… and realized, “There’s no reason to worry, until that something happens.” Which I’ve found is very true. Should you worry about going into a coma? Should you stress about the possibility that you could go into a coma because of a car accident and take ridiculous precautions to prevent that from happening? (Such as, wrapping yourself in bubble wrap from head to toe, if you leave the house.) There’s no need to be paranoid, there’s no need to worry and what’s going to happen, will. The fact is, that I believe that certain events in our lives are not coincidences. If you are meant to die in a revolution to become a saint to someone who comes after you, then you will. Everything you do is to just sculpt you into who you will be. You have to go through trials and all that crap to become the best you possible.

I’m not crazy religious, I haven’t learned this at a church or anything and at the moment I don’t know if I believe in any higher beings… or creators or guardians (Past those that love you ie: father, mother, best friends, sibling, the love of your life.) I’m not trying to preach or to dis on anybody’s God/Goddess(s). The fact of the matter is, it’s hard to believe that the crap I’ve been through has no purpose and this explanation makes it easier to live through… the belief that something good and pure will come out of all of this weird crap. I don’t believe that this is some punishment for the “original sin” (I don’t believe in the original sin btw) I simply believe that somewhere out there the crap that I’ve gone through will help someone. I have to.

God, I get off-topic so much. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It isn’t meant to be worried over. It isn’t meant to be a journey to get the most money. Life isn’t even meant to be anything really. Life is literally what you make of it. Life is simply, yours.

A Very Good Morning

A Very Good Morning

Just so you know about this picture. I woke up at around 4 am, to go climb a mountain and get a picture of this sun rise. I admit it was crazy, and pointless and I literally did it because I could. I was so tired… and it probably wouldn’t be worth it to other people… but we double trespassed, gave blood, sweat and tears to take a few amazing shots… and I loved every second of it… It was thrilling. You can find beauty in anything.

Good luck in all that you do.
-Aspiringtobesomeone

Inevitable Success

1 Jul

Sometimes at the end of the day, the only success you’ve had is that there weren’t any successes.

Most of the time, this in itself is a success itself. When you look out there in the world… there are definitely a lot of possibilities. A daily success can be measured in many ways.

You could consider a day, a success if you literally stop to smell the roses. I do this twice, everyday. Once on my way out of my house and again on the way back. Going among the same lines a day could be considered a success simply because you saw the sunrise and set. There are few places where you can’t do these same things. If you can’t, you can always find some alternatives… instead of roses, it could be the hot smell of asphalt and tar in the summer, the nice smell of mud after the rain, the smell of getting out of the shower.

Maybe it’s not a smell at all, but a nice reassurance that everything is intact, perhaps that the ratty old teddy bear that your grandparents rushed to the store to buy at the occasion of your birth, before meeting you for the first time at the hospital. Maybe it’s saying goodbye to the moon every night before you go to bed, and being memorized by the stars or by the clouds that will hang overcast in their place.

Maybe you don’t consider these everyday things successes.

Maybe it’s not considered a successful or eventful day if you don’t see that boy you like at school, or you happened to forget an important homework assignment. Maybe you don’t consider it a good day, if someone neglects to tell you that they love you, or to otherwise pamper your ego.

What if at the end of everyday you could feel peace instead of fretting about how on earth you’ll be able to write a book report assignment before school, or have enough gas to drive to work when you’re on your last dollar for the next week. Maybe you’re afraid that your deity of choice is going to strike you down from the heavens because you said something particularly blasphemous or did something particularly sinful.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: No matter how you might have failed by the end of the day, however many mistakes you made today….today will still end… tomorrow you will have another shot at perfection and bliss.

So you go to bed quiet, blissful, and happy because you know that tomorrow will come and nothing can stop it.