Procrastinations lost it’s fun and I’m effing breaking.

28 Oct

Yes the title is definitely a reference to Green Day’s Longview… but I swear that isn’t the point of this post…. The point is mostly Nanowrimo.


Nano09

(F.Y.I: If you click on the icon above it will link you to the nanowrimo website where you can sign up.)

I signed up for nanowrimo, yet again. Nanowrimo is National Novel Writing Month, it happens from Nov. 1st to Nov. 30th, the point being is to complete a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Roughly 1,667 words a day.

Doesn’t sound that hard does it? It is though. At least to write a comprehensible story with a plot that makes sense. A lot of people bash on this contest because it’s ‘quantity over quality’… though I’m sure that some of the users embrace this philosophy… I write quality 100%. (However, I’ve never won… mostly because a lot of things happen in November that are preventing… family reunions, family birthdays, parties and other events).

The thing is, Nanowrimo is used as a motivator. It promotes literature, goal-making, decisiveness, and other fundamental skills that people need to learn over the length of their life… and you can learn basically any skill you will need to use in the future in this 30-day self-contest.

You make this contest what you will… it can be as serious or as flighty as you want.

Also, because Nanowrimo is part of a non-profit organization, Createspace.com is quite generously allowing the verified winners of Nanowrimo to publish a copy of their manuscript, completly bound with a custom cover and the whole bit… So you gotta say, you’d love to have your name in print… even if it is one copy… though, think about what a collectors’ item it could be after you’ve made your literary career.

If you have the money, and like this cause you should really consider donating to the Office of Letters and Light, because they bring this program to schools across the country… promoting not only writing, but reading, and literary competency.

But anyways, that aside… I have no idea what I’m doing for Nanowrmo 09, and am going to be VERY busy during the beginning of it… I’ll be staying after school and do more out of school stuff then I’ve ever have…

Good Luck to all!
Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

I’m out of my head…

13 Sep

I have no idea where I’m going in my life. As I can consider myself (at least slightly) Bohemian. There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, in many ways that’s where I want to be. I don’t want to plan things out anymore… I don’t want to plan out my life and be disappointed when things don’t turn out the way I envisioned them.

Fact of the matter is: plans fall through. Almost anything that I’ve planned out a week in advance hasn’t happened. Anything I plan out 30 minutes prior to actually doing it, does. So why should I plan out my life? What college I’m going to, what my major is, what my profession will be, if I’m going to get married, if I’ll have kids, if I’ll be a skank who makes any lucky son of gun who gets me for a night wear a condom? There’s too many unknowns in life to plan.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the 12 hours before I go to sleep…. We could be hit by a tornado and be homeless by then. People change their views, their opinions, their selves all based on what happens to them. I don’t know the future me, and I don’t know if that ‘me’ is going to appreciate any choices I make for her, now… I know who I want to be. So far, I just haven’t been that. So far, everything I’ve planned out seems to go to pieces. Even when it comes down to myself.

You think I wanted to grow-up to be a cynical, pessimist that is too afraid to share her opinion, because she’s afraid that when people disagree (and they will) it will start a fight… and then she’ll turn into something that she can’t control?

Naw, I wanted to be somebody that people would listen to, I wanted to be the line between right and wrong, a guiding star. I wanted to be someone that actually matters in this world.

I chose the rule of invisible myself. I chose for all the kids in my school to not even notice me, so they couldn’t get in the way of my life. I’ve also trapped myself into this role. Maybe, after graduation, I’ll move somewhere… where nobody knows me, and I can be my literal self, and maybe I’ll even go to my high school reunions, and people may not even have an idea who I am, or maybe they will, and they’ll think, ‘she’s changed.’ The fact would be, I haven’t, not one bit.

School is either chilling out now, or I’m getting used to it, whichever. Either way, it’s not as hard as it was last week. I feel better about it. However, I can feel myself blinking onto everyone’s radar. I don’t know how I feel about that. In one way I’m happy because then everyone will know what kind of person I really am.

In another way, I love being anonymous, in the crowd just enough to know what’s going on, but apart enough that I can observe without bias. I think I might be sad to know that I won’t have it again, here. People remember you, you can’t change fact, once you’re noticed, there’s no going back. You just exist. You become known, and all those little things that you used to get away with, are spread and heard and seen. There goes your anonymity, with it, your freedom. Not that it was ever that free, not that you’ll be less free with your discovery, it’s just which freedoms are important to you?

I don’t know, I’m in a philosophical mood, it might be the storm that’s coming… it might be that I haven’t worked on my book since school started… it might be that I haven’t eaten anything yet. Who knows? I still feel it’s important to go into your life… and move a few things around, see if your perspective changes with it.

I feel alone in anonymity, alone in my unplanned life… alone in all my views… singular. Like there’s only one of me. Uniqueness and Singularity are worlds apart. One, you’re in common with at least something, part of something… with Singularity, it’s just you. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing.

I’m not saying I’m depressed or lonely or anything… just alone. It feels nice right now… and yet, I wish I did have a future that I believe I can just map out… like my peers…. I wish I could have that undeniable optimism that for once, things were going to go my way. I can’t.

I’ve lost my expectations to many things in life, with each major, life-changing event… I’ve lost 3, 4 sometimes… Now I have none. It’s weird to not expect anything, no loss…. yet an emptiness lingers.

If I were going to write about someone without a soul, I think that last paragraph is the closest you could get to it.

Well, good night fellas… sleep tight, plan well.
Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

American Reject.

7 Sep

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I haven’t updated this sucker in like 2-3 weeks. A Lot has happened since we last talked (which is all you can hope for, when you haven’t talked for 3 weeks, eh?) I’m in a marginally better mood then I was half an hour ago.

My Dad is being stupid. (Possibly past the perceptions of a teenage girl) It’s disappointing. I cannot blame him, mostly because of stress. A lot has happened to him too, lately (Although not mostly happy things like what has happened to me). He went into overdraft because a school held onto his check for 2 months before cashing it in, resulting in him thinking it was already charged. The landlord is unhappy because we had weeds in our yard and wants to check up on us (Ridiculous right? That’s where my labor-day weekend went… weeding and cleaning… I didn’t even get homework done.) He’s been stressed and he’s going to have to get a loan. (Bummer, right?). So lately he’s been letting himself be dragged off by his ex-wife (who was evil, might I add? Who he just recently divorced… who’s ruined my short existence). Heck, he went on a trip with her for 2 days. Gross much? I miss my daddy. I miss even pretending I could talk to him. I miss complaining about my homework and him complaining about the stupid guys at his work. I miss where we could just be bummed out together or just take the family and chill. Now, his ex-wife is taking away any time for these things again.  I can’t say I’m not bitter for giving up my extra-long weekend to clean for him. (Especially since he’s left early every evening to hang with her (like 6-8 pm.)) It blows.

Besides that, I have school. Summer break is officially over and I can attest that I didn’t get all of the things I wanted done this summer done. (Heck I’m behind in my life… not that there’s a roadmap or anything to this maze of random occurances that twist, and bend, and cross into other each other that is called my life). Not that I feel like anythings mine… Besides my money. I love having money… even if it’s not even a lot. Heck, I got $20 bucks on Friday… which is worth missing out on sleep with. (Mostly because I usually do anyways). However, I don’t know what the eff I want to do with it. I should be saving up for my trip through Europe, (after graduation) or for college apps, the A.C.T., My dozen art class fees, a passport, furniture, a car…. something…. books… I don’t know lugguage. There’s just so many things I want and need. (Especially if I’m ever going to backpack through Europe). Heck, I want to do it through the world.. I’m tempted to put college off a year to do it too. There’s so many things I want to do and I just don’t see many ways to do all of them. (Heck I don’t see anyway to do all of them… though I’m pretty crappy at predicting my life… just anothe reason to buy tarot cards I guess… (I’m pretty good at them… play with my friends’ everytime I see her.)) I also want a laptop so I can move on with this ‘writer-thing’ I haven’t finished my first book and it’s been a long time. I want to finish the first draft of at least 2 books before I graduate… right now it doesn’t look like it’s happening… (However, it does feel like the next one is going to go A LOT faster… thank goodness. I’m beginning to outline… because Vinsin is going to be finished very soon… even if I have to kill somebody to do it.)

Oh. back to school: first 2 weeks… longest 2 weeks ever. Got my picture taken… it’s satisfactory… I wish they wouldn’t put this weird shirt thing on all the seniors…. it really takes the personality out of everybody. Decided I was going to dye my hair… most likely platinum blonde and a dark red. I mean, why the heck not? Took WAY HARDER classes then I was planning on… senior year I’m going to work the hardest I have. (AP Lit, Film Studies, Government, Drawing, Sculpture, AP Lang, Debate, and finally, Oil Painting).

By the end of the year, I’ll be able to say that I’ve taken every art class that my school has (except for choir (because the kids’ are snooty and I can’t sing anyways) and Graphics (Because the teacher is a pervert.) That’s saying a lot because my school is in a poor neighborhood where although our academics suck…. art is basically the only thing that our school shines in.

In Government, I cannot stand my teacher! (As assumed by the name… it’s all about POLITICS!!! JOY! *scoffs… sarcasm. She’s a narrow minded conservative who can’t keep her prejudices to herself… I can just tell we’re going to get along! *Sighs* We had a stupid essay to do over the weekend… and I haven’t had the time for it (except for right now…. but I’d rather do a blog then suck some ass with a conservative essay.). 

Debate-this has been tough… we’re were supposed to do a speech in front of the class (Already not one of my talents), with a powerpoint about ourselves that was made of pictures… and we had to hit certain things with it… (Crappy Memory, Crappy Childhood makes all of these things very hard to pull off without looking like a drama queen.) Luckily I pulled it off, with a detachment to my birthmother that appeared very typical of a teenager. I was told my speech about me, myself and my past was very comical. (Getting my speech through with was a sure relief…. at least until my teacher had said he realized what group I was going to be in  (apparently it had been puzzling him before) and that my speech sealed it. (without telling me what categorey… isn’t that horrifically rude.). So yes, I’ve been thinking about it since the minute he said it, over and over again. I also debated in front of the class for the very first time… about pornography. I got the affirmative side…. I admit it was very amusing… the topic: Should pornography be legal? It was surprisingly easy to come up with ways why it should be. I thought I did it alright.

Oil painting is a pain in the butt (mostly because it talks so long to set-up and clean up.) And yatta, yatta…. most of my classes I’ve had tests in, and that sucks. There’s your lovely update about how my life is going…. hoping to talk to you soon.

BOY do I miss summer!

With luck, love, and clarity in your path
Yours’ Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

Unseen, Unheard, Unnoticed.

18 Aug

So as you guys well know, my posts are full of opinions… (Even if no one bothers hearing them…).

(According to Webster) Humility is the quality or state of being humble. Humble-1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive. 2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission.3 a : ranking low in a hierarchy or scale : insignificant, unpretentious. What sums humble up is unselfish, self-denying and reflective.

Humility is probably the hardest lesson you may ever learn in life. Now, I’m not claiming I’ve mastered the art of humility. But, I am saying that there can be too much. I’ve missed many opportunities or denied myself many things all in the name of humility. In doing so, I’ve become shy.

It’s hard for me to speak up in front of people, possibly because I could offend someone with a joke, opinion or even possibly a prejudice. (I’m not saying that harboring hateful feelings about a group of people is okay… it’s just that we all have them.) Mostly I think, because I’ve hidden myself almost my entire life. Because of this, people who seem to care about me… have not been allowed to know the real me. They love a mask.

I’ve been trying to rid myself of this mask for the past two years. However, it is hard to break through peoples’ expectations of your own behavior. My own best friend (whom I’ve known since I was 9 months old… )cannot correctly indentify anything about me of significance. People do not hear, they do not see this silent, inner struggle… even if I do become able to find my voice… I may have well been speaking to air. People believe their expectations and throw out the rest… it is a sad thing… but true. I’ve been one to do this.

The point is, however much you struggle to be independant or outgoing.. the people you know… will reject any progress you’ve made. They remember you while you were down… they remember you not being able to look over a counter. They remember the you, that is long gone. Who used to be, a person who is as gone from this world (if not more) as a dear friend who has passed away.

If Individuality is a real thing (and it’s hard to think otherwise) this was a person who’ll never walk the earth again. Unfortunately, your friends seem to mistake you for this long lost friend. Although, a part of that memory is embedded in you, it is simply what Robin is to Batman…. company and sometimes the sidekick. You will have things that will still exist from the person who you were… but that part of you will never be so present, so vibrant as it once was.

When people undergo large changes… within and without. People seem to think that something is wrong with you. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve flickered on someone’s radar just the needed bit to have them say, “What’s the matter? What’s wrong? Are you feeling Okay? What happened? Why are you upset?”

But anyways, realize this is a mistake… and forgive the people you know for mistaking you for this fine person. Be happy that you have changed and be patient for their metamorphosis to come. That is all that is coming today.

Practice just enough humility and patience, to enjoy yourself…
Yours Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

Trust in the Universe and Reap the Benefits.

16 Aug

So a lot has happened since we last talked. Yeah, been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit down and type up a blog….

So Friday, my Dad got into a fight with his boss about policy and his boss told him he was fired. He told me by Monday. (I thought he just got off early and took Monday off). Which sucks. I admit I was really scared and was already coming up with all the ways we could help my Dad out… especially in staying where we live now. By Thursday his work called him up and told him to come to a meeting and said that he’d better come or he was really fired. (Ordinarily Dad wouldn’t even be freaked out because he has 28 years seniority… heck the CEO was hired the same time… he could literally have any job in the place)

So he came and he got his job back… unfortunately he’s not getting paid vacation for those 4 and 1/2 days that he wasn’t there…. So there goes school fees and such… if you don’t realize the extent of missing a week… it means that My Dad gets at least $700 less dollars… So it’s going to be tight…. but much better than it could’ve been I’m happy.

This experience has really taught me something… (more than to make sure that I have more than 6 months pay saved up just in case I ever get fired in the middle of a crappy economy) It’s taught me that I need to trust in the universe. I’ve been talking about all the possibilities I have and how I haven’t gone for any of them (besides writing). Fact of the matter is, I just need to get out there in the world…. and than I’ll find out what I’ll do when I get there.

With every oppression comes the ability of freedom, with every freedom comes choices, with choices come the world.

I’m not claiming that I’m an expert on oppression or anything. I just have to let  you folks know something about my past. That may help you realize how I could understand this stuff. 

I had a mom that was deadset on a stepford family… and decided to use less than kosher means to achieve it. Fact is: I was beaten as a child.

I learned lessons about life that many people will never learn. I learned diplomacy and patience through these crazy happenings. But I also learned, that with every that opresses comes with something to undo it.

I had an awesome Dad… I didn’t know him until after my mother left… mostly because she insisted on doing the finances and was stealing money from my father… enough that she convinced my Dad that he needed to work 2 full-time jobs… He only had 6 hours a day and those were for sleep…. I admit that I put more weight on my Dad than I have ever put on a person.

He was the key, he could get us away from my mother… he was going to save us. (Realize that at the time I knew nothing about him… except that when I was having growing pains he’d let me sleep in their room.) He had to.

So we took a chance… when they were trying to settle the divorce after my mother had claimed that my father had beaten her…. Ironic isn’t that? We testified… well my older brother testified because he was the only one who was legally old enough to testify…  but we testified against her and hoped that the system would allow us to be set free.

My mother was oddly sweet during that time… sucking up to us. My Dad (although he was kicked out and wasn’t allowed to see us… I later found out, that he was sending my mother money to pay for all of the bills… to make sure that we got taken care of) was also nice… but a legitimate niceness… the kind where it’s literally just because the person is only nice because they’re that good of a person. We were put into fantastic hands.

But the point is, we were oppressed. (I do realize that some kids must have had worse childhoods than we did… and I sincerely pity the heck out of those kids because… although I got it through the last time and was even optimistic after… I don’t think I could do it ever again and come out whole… much less if it were worse.) and we were given a key that would free us… if we just used it. (There’s something weird about being abused… you’re embarrassed about it… and cops never believe children… that’s one thing that I know for sure now.) We were allowed to choose my Father, who luckily was awesome… I don’t know what we would’ve done if he sucked too. Probably go to an Aunt or to our Grandma.

Anyways you can trust in the universe to give you something to achieve anything that maybe related to your happiness. So go out and do something! I promise you, there is a way to anything that you are meant to do. You can always decide on the meaning of your life.

Wow, that blog went into an entirely different direction than I was hoping.

So I was busy with worrying and changing my philosophies and such to post a blog.

Not to mention Warped Tour which although we had to leave before bouncing souls (who had came to our town afterall) it was awesome. I met Big D and the Kids’ table… all of them really down to earth and we got to talk to them and they gave us their autographs. Their show was by far, the best of the day. I went into the ginormous skanking pit. So much fun. They played most of my favorite songs, “LAX, Shining On, Hell on Earth, Noise Complain…etc”. I did not get hurt one little bit… or even fall in the mosh pits (which I admit I was a bit afraid of) unfortunately I was too shy to ask the singer something that I’ve been wondering for a while… if he had ever been in drama because he sure acts like it. But anyways… it was awesome… I did get another sunburn… I really ought to just avoid the sun before I get skin cancer. BTW: Bathing your sunburn in Vingar… makes it go away stat.

I babysat the night before until like 1 a.m…. hadn’t slept the night before that.. and woke up at 7:30… (Because if we didn’t come on time we wouldn’t get in for free) and bought a Big D Patch, Micky Ds (Because we had vendor passes and could leave anytime we wanted and come back) and a shirt (Skate 4 Cancer… it was a cool shirt and I thought it was a good cause) for $10. Not half bad, eh? But yeah, by the end… although I was loving it… I was tired, thirsty, sunburned, and my arms really hurt. Can I just say I didn’t believe anything about musicians drinking a butt load? I do now… we got this one sack of glass bottles (luckily it was a heavy duty bag) and I had to carry it across the fairgrounds and I think moving a body would’ve been easier.. it was only from one band too. I definitely got some new muscles because of it.

I’ve also babysat a buttload in the past little while… (Especially considering that I have like $50 and on average only get 10 bucks)

But yeah, it’s been super swell. Don’t forget that the universe will take care of you, if you take the chances it gives you.

Yours Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

General Reminisces and Warped Tour

7 Aug

It’s been a crazy couple days… I found out yesterday that Warped Tour is coming to my town on Saturday. I’m excited… I admit it. I went to Warped Tour ’05 and loved it… Honestly, it was my first concert. I actually wanted to go to the ‘o3… but my older brother wouldn’t let me go. I really wanted to go because Rancid and Distillers were going…

Brody Dalle was my hero…. back than she was still married to Tim Armstrong (Rancid, Transplants, Operation Ivy, and Dance Hall Crashers). Honestly, I lost most of my respect for her when she dumped Tim…. went for that guy in Queens of the Stoneage and than the rest of it when she went blonde, preppy and started the Spinerettes. I really wanted to go to ‘o3 but didn’t. Unfortunately, because of the whole break-up… Distillers didn’t go anyways. But with the above information ^ you can see why I wanted to go in ’03… it’s probably good that I didn’t considering I was 11.

When I went in ’05, I don’t remember much about it. I know Dropkick Murphey’s had the biggest crowd… that set was amazing… however all the hardcore punkers were in there… and I was small… I was too scared to go in the pits at the point. I saw a lot of random bands… I know Angel and Airwaves were just starting out…. so was Left Alone and I met most of the members of both… (Left Alone’s Drummer is freaking cool btw.) Left Alone is a good effing band… very Operation Ivy-esque. There were a bunch of bands that I didn’t know even went that year… that I totally love now like Gogol Bordello and Big D and the Kids Table…. I remember everybody saying that, All-American Rejects got jumped at the airport and that’s why they didn’t show. It was funny stuff… Everyone got a kick out of that one…. Just like Utah Punks… I forgot My Chemical Romance came… I guess I didn’t really listen to them back in the day…. it’s too bad… it would have been cool to see them…

I had fun… even though that I got a major sunburn that day that made me look like a lobster… I didn’t know it until we got in the car… those comment that people made about dehydration and that I could have their water bottle… and maybe I should lie down… made a lot more sense after I saw myself…lol It was 109 degrees… I stayed inside the whole summer… because I wanted to see how pale I could get… I wore a long-sleeved black shirt that I literally got a sunburn through and I didn’t wear sunscreen… I was asking for it…. I realize at least this much… So I don’t feel that bad about….lol

So Just wear light, skimpy clothing… to Warped Tour… don’t go if you don’t see much sun… and finally, remember to stay hydrated AND wear sunburn. Maybe sneak in food if possible… because it’s really really expensive stuff. These are the tips for a successful warped tour. If you’re going… have fun…

I’m actually going because I volunteered for the Eco Iniative who basically picks up trash and recycles it to reduce waste that is generated by warped tour. I get in for free, get a venders pass,.. which means I can go anywhere (probably go backstage to all the cool bands) They give me a shirt, they give us at least one drink of our choice… and feed us. Not a bad deal.

Wow ^ I guess I’m still a music whore…lol. But y’know this year’s line-up mostly sucks… especially since Bouncing Souls and Anti-Flag isn’t coming to my town this year. I just really want to see “Ole.” live. I’m going to… I don’t when but I will. It’s going to be sweet ; ).

Besides that there’s not really much going on in my life… besides school starting on the 24th… (Which I’m excited for and not excited for at the same time..) Hoping that I get my streaks in before picture day (17th) and General chilling…

However, I really can’t sleep lately and I don’t know why…. I think it’s related to Warped and School…. hopefully I’ll sleep better after warped tour…. (I’ll be exhausted) we have to get there before opening… then, we have to be there until at least closing… so not excited about that. I don’t want to melt! If we’re lucky…. it’ll rain… However, I bet that will make them close early and we won’t get to see the shows we want to.

We’re going clothes shopping today…. so not excited.

I don’t know….

‘Till we meet again
Yours Truly,
♥Aspiringtobesomeone

Fighting for viable Dreams

5 Aug

I realized something today… just when I was finished a reading session with ‘The things they carried by Tim O’brien’. I really care about quite a variaty of things… acting is the door that led me into this brainwave. As you probably well know by now, I’m trying to be a writer. It’s important to me. Literature is important to me… I know that even if I never make it as a writer… I’ll still write… I’ll have to. The lose and regainment of Vinsin made me realize this.

But, I’m also an actor. I’ve been seriously in love with acting since at most the age of 7. I conciously recognized this love when my older brother was in his 6th grade play. I wanted to own the stage… I was going to learn how to dance, sing, and act. (However, I didn’t know you could do all three at a the same sime)  I’m an actor… no doubts about it. It’s deep within myself… and I doubt it’s really something that I’ll ever get rid of.

This morning, I went babysitting… the kids I babysit are nice and it was real fun. I even took pictures because I felt like it. They ate it up… I sent their mother an email of the pictures… she deserves a copy of every picture that exists of them… she’s super swell too.
I come back and my brother yells that I got 3 phonecalls while I was gone. 2 of them turned out to be related to my friend. One was to call and warn me that this acting thing was going to call because she gave them my number… the other was the acting place calling. The third was my best friend.

After talking to her, I was alright with it… than I realized she said the audition was tomorrow. I got oddly excited and I was planning on calling them until she mentioned that they need my parents permission to audition… (I’m aware that some of these are scams… which is why I researched them on the net before doing anything.)

So I mention it to my pops and he falls asleep… must have had a hard day at work. I let it slide… he’s been doing overtime… and besides he’ll have to wake up before tomorrow. I get bored… I want to run around… when it starts raining what I call a hurricane (but in reality… probably isn’t considering that we live in a land-locked desert) So we shut all power off, just in case if the lightning decides to hit our house. So I’m stuck… no phone… asleep Dad. So I read.

I read with the curtains open to let in any light and spot a branch that literally flies off of a tree… So We can’t even go outside…. I love running around in the rain. But when everyone thinks it’s okay to turn the power back on… I decide to take a break… (War books either piss me off or get me emotional.. either way it’s not good to at least pause to let it soak it.)

Then I think excitedly, “I bet I can learn an accent before the audition tomorrow!” (I have a horrendously fast learning curve… it’s weird stuff… especially if I’m actually into the stuff I’m doing.) Than I start to thinking about how I was fine with giving up Play Productions… and Improv… for the most part and realize that the only way I was able to deal with said loss, was lying to myself and saying that I couldn’t act.

(Which sounds cocky… the lying part… except that I really can act… it’s something that I discovered a few days ago when I was bored and started to silently recite an old monologue I still had memorized (you never know when you’ll need one!) while filming it on my camera… needless to say… you could tell what part I was at by my expressions… I never thought that I had this ability! It really surprised me… and I know that my voice is very accurate to whatever emotions I’m supposed to be feeling… I think it’s partly the empathetic part of me… because I can empathize with the characters’ emotions…. same thing happens when I’m writing… which is probably why people say my characters are very, very much alive)

But anyways… this made me realize that I’d be a pretty good actor… and another dream lives again! I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to this audition or even if I’ll get in…. but I’m not nervous about it at all…. if I’m meant to make it… I will… Besides… I’m much more confident than I was in 8th ; ).

I realize that my dreams are what I really care the most about. I really care about being able to do anything I put my mind to. Which anyone can, If they really set themselves out to do it… maybe it won’t work out the first 100 times you try… but eventually you’ll get it. Which is probably why I always fight against any form of opression that is an injustice. Just Naturally Opression, Injustice and Me don’t get along… I’ll fight against any Injustice that happens to me, or someone close to me… I can’t pick my fights if injustice is involved… maybe it’s a flaw… maybe it’s a good thing…

But yeah, I care a ridiculous amount about paths that I’ll never take. I guess it’s important.. because maybe someday… my fight will help someone that wanted to take that path… but couldn’t.

Nice talking to you sweet kids
Yours Truly
♥Aspiringtobesomeone